He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
