he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fuck appropriateness.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
