So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
