she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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