I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
