I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
