How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize