Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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