i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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