This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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