So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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