So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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