Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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