just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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