I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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