Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
