I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
