I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
