i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
