he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
