I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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