she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
