You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
