Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
