??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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