No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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