You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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