i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
