tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
