Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
