listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am naked and annoyed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
