Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Why is your signature on my underwear?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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