Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
