So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
