I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
