my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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