I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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