He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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