true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
