i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
