dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize