hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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