batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
