I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
