i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
