I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
