well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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