In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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