Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
