i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
