I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
