I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
