I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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