Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No subtext here. People are naked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
