a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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