My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
