so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize