come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize