god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
