Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
