Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
