they need to just BURY HIM!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
