My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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