would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
