I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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