I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
