Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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