I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
