Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
