I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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