living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize