Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
