I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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