He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
