we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
honey bunches of taint.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
