the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
