i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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