You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
