That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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