i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
