Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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