She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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