Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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