Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
