Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
