why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
