Too much gin, very little bucket
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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