I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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