I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There are leaves in my underwear?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
