dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
