you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
