obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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