I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
