Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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